$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
