The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
try to milk me bitch
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