Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
