I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
