Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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