last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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