Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
