So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
