I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
