I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I would ride that face into the sunset