areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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