You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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