He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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