woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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