i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
