i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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