Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
