Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
