I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
