What did we do last night that was yellow?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
