i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize