no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
