Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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