Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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