Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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