I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
