Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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