Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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