he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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