It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
