I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
