so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
