i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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