we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
