I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
