i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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