yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
