I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
