I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
