Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
