I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
