The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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