Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
