Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
