is wine microwaveable?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Randomize
