my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
