Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
