you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
