Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
