So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
