Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
