good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
