there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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