I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
