I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
God, I missed his penis.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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