He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
