covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
