I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
