so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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