So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
