Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
