She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The air was thick with penises
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
