adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
