im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
