I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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