I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
