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Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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