Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
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I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.