this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.