It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.