u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!