haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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