did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
