you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
