I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
