my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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