I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
