defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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