Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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